Guilty as Charged!
Whilst there may be many endearing features and traits to my personality, equally there are many that are not so lovable. Over the years l have fallen victim to bullies, abusers and manipulators who have said in their defence that l ‘brought the worst’ out of them and that otherwise they were not that type of person.
My partner suggests on a frequent basis that some of my behaviour can be challenging and taxing at times, but also thought provoking, and stimulating and in the extremes l am known to be puzzling and perplexing with more than a few pinches of complicated thrown in for good measure!
Today’s post will look at some of those quirks of mine that can push a persons’ buttons the wrong way and have them looking for the proverbial club hammer! Luckily with my other half she loves me and whilst l may infuriate her at times, unlike the other women in my past she only pretends to want to kill me ….
The reason she hasn’t slain me in my bed whilst l slumber is because despite how exasperating and wearisome l might be, l am very lucky that she is incredibly patient and tolerant of me – not to be read like some martyr – no. She knows and understands of and about my Aspergers and she welcomed my autism into her life freely. My previous partners, one an ex-wife [we were together for 16 years] never knew of the disorder and so couldn’t, but equally had she known probably wouldn’t have and that is the difference. As they say knowledge is indeed power!
BRB is a phrase that l used to see a lot in World of Warcraft on my screen when talking to someone, and they went AFK @ away from keyboard and it means ‘be right back’ and somehow l have adopted and adapted this into my whole ethos of being!
If l am talking to someone, doing something or whatever – l can be instantly distracted or occupied by another thought and l utter BRB and walk away – all innocent if it is a literal BRB of say 20 seconds to a minute, but not so great if my BRB happens to last ten minutes or so, because whilst a random thought made me utter BRB in the first place, another equally random but connected to the first thought contemplation has entered my brain and delayed me further. Sadly the rate of BRB’s to an hour can be as high as 7!
My partner has decided that it will become my gravestone’s epitaph lead in line! So you see as l say there is ALWAYS a positive to be found in a negative! Whilst BRB might be somewhat irksome to her, l think it is the least concerning in a line of longness! There are other more vexing quirks to be seen, heard and experienced.
She says l am gifted with an incredible art of challenging her mentally at least once a day, so that has got to be seen a good thing surely …? That l am skilled in the ability to push ALL her buttons the right way in the wrong sequence – impressions versus depressions in the mental footprint department l feel! I tell her, repeatedly that it is ‘au natural’ with me, and that none of it is specifically aimed at being intentional, deliberate or purposefully hell bent on being thoroughly frustrating! It is just my spontaneity and boyish charms that are at play!
Over the years I have driven quite a few people crazy to the brink of disturbance – it’s true, and some have thrown the most profound obscenities in my direction because of this witty charisma of mine!
If it is not through my actions or conversation sadly it is down to some of my mood changes, because l can – change direction some days quicker than a holocaust blast gust
One might be forgiven for thinking that living with Aspergers is an easy jaunt – but l only say ‘might’ because l am being diplomatically polite – truth be known it can be fucking annoying for the Aspies and their loved ones!
I could be happy as a Lark one moment and downright miserable the next, up in the air like a brightly coloured balloon filled with stimming helium to spinning out of control like the rollercoaster of hell.
Reputedly l am supposedly quite an intelligent guy but even at my own concession l can act as dumb as a box of frogs or is it rocks? Never too sure, equally as l am confused as to whether it is one sandwich short of the hamper or a few sandwiches short of the picnic? Either way, you get the jist!
I will not discuss them in this episode but you can look forward to at a later date the likes of ‘swans’ flying’, frogs a- running, cows a – jumping and squirrels a – ttacking – yes it happened to me! Never mind the likes of ‘oh my gosh look, it’s blue up here!’ My life has been filled with the antics of a ugly duckling!
But we are not talking cute fluffiness here, but quirksome irksomes – and there are a few, and l am pretty sure that many Aspies reading this can relate equally as much as their partners, family, kids, peers and the blah blah so on!
In the tune of l am a lumberjack here we go..
“I’m a stimmer and l’m OK
“I sleep all night and work all day.
“He’s a stimmer and he’s OK..
I can be a happy flappy stimmer, but at times it can be a little tiring, especially as it speeds up. I have an annoying leg twitch for no reason other than l can twitch my leg, but once it starts it is like an engine it just gets faster and faster and faster and you get it!
With me there are four types of stim 1] angry and vexed, 2] happy as a lark, 3] crazy as a nutter and 4] stressed as fuck!
When l am focused – l am fixedly and determinedly dogged on that subject, there is no moving me and l am very hard to distract away. When inside that moment – time has no meaning and neither do people, things, eating, or bathing, or socialising or sleep or anything – l am at one with the moment!
Being this attentive to something can be hard on those looking in and on and l am totally oblivious to anyone else. In this also falls the word ‘obsession’ l have many passions, fixations, manias, enthusiasms, compulsions and pre-occupations which means more time away in focus!
I can be terribly uncertain about things, topics and subjects that are out of my interest zone, focus or attention span. Hesitant to the extreme is still an understatement; it is more of a case of is it really important? Sadly of course some thing’s are, but it can vex my partner when l doubt.
I am incredibly sensitive to certain things from noise to touch, taste, people, situations, clothing, foods – you name it – l could have a sensitivity issue just waiting to say hello, peekaboo! On the other side to the coin, l am so sensitive to alterations on my skin, that l cannot leave anything be, l constantly nag at something, like a nail, or a healing wound, and this delays recovery, which in turn vexes me and stresses me more! Atypical nasty catch 22’s!
Oh my goodness, but l can be the most restless person l know, in addition to that l also suffer from restless leg syndrome to such a degree that my partner and l spend many a night sleeping apart! It’s either that or my snoring!
Lack of Regulation/Moderation
I simply cannot moderate any of my behaviour at times and this can lead to inappropriate deeds and activities, poor manners and demeanours! I have at times a little impish devil that sits on my shoulder and HE [not me] loves to embarrass others with little mischievous jokes – yeah, you can see the problems here!
I am surprised l am still here at times!!
So you see life for my partner can be at times a little awkward, and she may wish to club me, batter me, throw me off a cliff, but she doesn’t [yet] – however, it does display quite clearly to the reader that life with an Aspie is never a walk in the park!!
How about you, what loving, annoying or frustrating little quirksome traits do you have?